Vicki with an i

A couple of months ago I left the LDS church and went back to the Jesus Army. At first I really wasn't sure it was the right thing to do so I did a lot of praying, soul searching and scripture study. When you're first presented with the LDS gospel you're challenged to do as instructed in James chapter 1 verse 5 - If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. Well after a few things had happened at church I felt like I'd completely lost my testimony so lacking the wisdom to know what to do I asked God. For quite some time now my prayer life has been virtually non existent and when I sat down to ask Him as instructed above I really poured my heart out. I've always known that the bible is the word of God and everything contained in it is true but I've never had that certainty about the book of Mormon, in fact even though I've read it several times I haven't absorbed any of it. Apart from the very beginning of the book where Nephi and his family sail to America and Nephi goes back to get the plates I couldn't tell you what it was about. When I spoke to God I asked him to show me if the church really was true. I was prepared to accept whatever answers came and as I poured out my heart and asked for the faith I had once had to be restored. Well true to His word God did answer only it wasn't what I was expecting, He showed me that what I'd thought was true wasn't and what seemed wrong was right. The blockage I had felt in my prayer life was removed and I found myself back at the Jesus Army the following Sunday. I wasn't too sure about this but told God I'd give it a go. I think one of the things I always liked about the LDS church was the comfortableness of it. You were never required to step out in faith and could quite comfortably hide away in the corner. I've always hated putting myself in any sort of vulnerable position so will always prefer hiding in the corner to participating in anything that will get me noticed. Well during the first meeting I went to at the Jesus Army two people stood at the front holding the corners of a red flag making a sort of archway, they said if you want to be filled with the spirit you should walk under the flag. Well I instantly went into 'I'm very comfortable here thanks' mode, there was no way I was going to look silly walking under their flag. Then a voice inside me said 'you've been sitting here the whole meeting praying that God will let you know for certain if this is where you're meant to be, how can you expect Him to show you anything if you won't even walk under the flag'. So I got up and as I walked towards them I prayed again. Well! As I walked under that flag there was no denying that I was filled with the spirit, it felt like electricity surging through my body. I hadn't said anything to anyone about my reasons for being at church or about what I was thinking or feeling as I didn't want anyone trying to influence me either way. Later on Lois, who I had known from my Jesus Army days in Bournemouth and had no idea was now living in Sheffield, offered to pray for me. As she prayed I could feel myself shaking and afterwards it was like I was walking on a big spongy cloud of bubbles about a foot in the air. Even though these things were happening I still wanted to take my time and be absolutely sure before leaving the church. Over the next couple of weeks I confided in Lois about my dilemma and she suggested I let a brother named Paul pray for me. We spent quite a bit of time talking about things and I asked questions about things I was unsure of and then they laid hands on me and prayed. Eventually I made up my mind and left the LDS church. I know it was the right decision as I really feel like I've got my faith back again. Things have been going really well but I started to feel funny about speaking in tongues again. I don't disagree with speaking in tongues but had never done it myself and being part of a church that uses this gift so much I guess I'd always felt like a bit of a failure for not being able to do it too. Then last week Andrzej gave us the first in a series of teachings about tongues and other spiritual gifts. What he said made speaking in tongues make sense and seem possible for the first time ever. Afterwards he offered prayer to anyone wanting the gift of tongues and guess who was first in the queue :0) As he was praying I could feel him waiting for me to burst out in tongues and I had to explain to him that that was never going to happen and I was going to go home a do it on my own without an audience. As it happens I've had such a busy week that I hadn't got round to it so for the first time ever in church today I spoke in tongues!